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Lingerers

by Jesse Harding

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1.
it's in the dark, where I fell apart, feeling everything and more the glimmer lasts from the light that's cast, through the crack in the bedroom door tell me it's fine, to say it now i'll be alright, if you say it's so there's something at night, blowing in the wind tell me it's fine, tell me anything the streets are all covered in rain so when i'm driving, i can't see anything except the plans that i thought we had, which ended up being nothing could it be there's a king and queen, in this kingdom of capital where the goal is to accumulate and everyone is miserable tell me it's fine, to say it now tell me a white lie and i'll let it slide there's something at night, blowing in the wind tell me it's fine, tell me anything tell me i'm right here lingering
2.
Liam & Lucy 03:21
liam is a friend but we don't talk anymore the cold shoulder present through the closing of doors distance went and happened, i just don't know how at the time it felt sudden but that was years ago now these days are moving so slowly while years are moving so swiftly it's the things you forget, like an old pop song fading from memory, once something, now it's gone lucy is a soldier in an emotion field crying at the funeral, it's all too real after there's a gathering of family and friends where they're all just eating sandwiches and making plans these days are moving so slowly while years are moving so swiftly this place is a circus with a big old brass band a true celebration of a how a good thing will end with the head going in circles and a stomach in knots fading from memory, once something, now it's gone
3.
Dog 04:20
i remember your old house and your dog i remember the hard wood he struggled to move across his legs don't work like they once did taken by time and the life he lived when the morning came you couldn't talk anymore you had droopy eyes that were melted to the floor an overwhelming and emotional affair for a moment he's here and then there's nothing there i remember a pleasant christmas eve i remember icicles and a cold bite from winters teeth i remember a phone call and ICUs i know loss and i know what it can do it's a fragile thing that i cherish everyday i know eventually i'll drift off into space and i'll be there when you're looking up at stars off the shoulder of orion, a blinking heart it's not just what you do or the way you move that draws me straight across a crowded room you keep me here and you have for years now things are looking up for you and me i remember the people in my life i remember mistakes a made and the trouble i caused i remember these moments like yesterday yesterday is lost, will tomorrow be the same?
4.
As I Dreamt 02:50
i dreamt i was alone again i dreamt i had a chance but i blew it i dreamt you were in love with her and not me i dreamt i had a cure for all of these petty things it's a cruel thing, how we treat one another it's a cruel thing, how i solve this in my dreams i'm collapsing all the way, into my weakened centre then dissolving into dust and then i'm blowing in the wind, in the wind i dreamt i was a politician placating, overstating simple things i'll adorn you with praise in brilliant conversation and in the end i won't accomplish anything it's a cruel thing, how we consume every resource and it amazes me to see the lack of bounds for human greed so we're collapsing all the way, into our weakened centre then dissolving into dust and then we're blowing into space, into space
5.
when she sings, i hear everything every subtle imperfection, i adore without correction, when she sings when she moves, i move too and i'll follow without a problem, if there's problems then we'll solve them if i told you would you believe that all the world could come undone like a big ball of yarn, unraveling around the sun forever after i'll be fine, when she sings i hear that old mocking bird, how it mocks every word i don't want to write a love song, i just want to write a song for you cause i know when she smiles, it's just for a while it's a moment, it's a sign, that the cruelest thing is time if i told you would you believe that all the world could come undone like a big ball of yarn, unraveling around the sun it's when i ponder on how things could end it's when i feel like i've got nothing left forever after i'll be fine, when she sings rogue wave, pine wood, small life, left out she's weighed down by a heart full of gold, so it all makes sense linger, steel town, blue lips, red wine she's weighed down by a heart full of gold, so it all makes sense lone-year, head rush, pale skin, let down she's weighed down by a heart full of gold, so it all makes sense
6.
there's a telephone here waiting it hasn't rung for years, it's an antique fading if it did i'm sure i'd hear from you you'd tell me how things are out there changing it's so celestial in it's function it's got a rotary dial that spins for something like how the planets move, it seems to me there's a crucial piece that i might be missing i knew it, i knew it you've come this far, you should see yourself through it i knew it, i knew it what a wonderful life it would be with me i see a tender-loving moment between a father/daughter, i'll never know it as i'm walking past the traffic signs and wading my way through the caffeine lovers i've got a twisted sense of humor it's a tangled mess, it's a prominent feature it's a spiral cord of plastic debris that keeps me tethered to my receiver i knew it, i knew it you've come this far, you should see yourself through it i knew it, i knew it what a wonderful life it would be i knew it, i knew it i've finally found the piece that i'm missing i knew it, i knew it what a wonderful life it would be with me
7.
If I Go 03:00
it's a blue sky in june the clouds are out, too and i've taken this all in stride cause i'm just that grey sky in fall i'm the days you forgot all along so take this from me, see i've got this disease so please don't be sad if i go if i go i'm looking up at stars past jupiter and saturn and mars and i wonder if we're not alone or am i that daydreaming kid the one you forgot to forget so take this from me, i'll fight this disease but please don't be mad if i can't some stars that die form a blackhole the gravity's too much, i know
8.
Petrichor 00:42
9.
with hair askew from the air the blew from the crack in the window, it's loud i'm reading signs just to past the time for places i know nothing about i had a dream that we could be the millennial bonnie and clyde two souls out on the road, far from home, we could hide i'm peering through the pines and chasing powerlines with a new lifestyle i could run for miles, on this one big trip around the sun through the glare i know we're almost there as the clouds part way overhead it's a dream, it's a fantasy-scheme that still replays in my head i had a dream that we could be happy, you and I but in the end it's uncertain again but good things happen sometimes i feel the lunatic in this lunar looney bin to feel a million things a trillion ways on this one bad trip when i'm stressed out and tired and sick of my life, darling you make me feel alright
10.
are they awake? you will the end is here i've been running in circles for years just looking for a storybook ending one rid of awful things a fearful climb to the stars and moon i close my eyes, the end is soon so say goodbye to this awful year if i close my eyes will it disappear? the hardest part is staring into the ether wondering if my life could end before it starts and no-one cares, and i probably don't, either way i'm ready now to find the ending to, i just don't want to to feel, that this life's gone and lost its appeal i'm just looking at this line between you and me for it's faded and hard to see a fearful climb to the stars and moon i close my eyes, the end is soon so say goodbye to this awful year if i close my eyes will i disappear? the hardest part is staring into the ether wondering if my life could end before it starts and no-one cares, and i probably don't, either way i'm ready now to find the ending to, i don't want to to feel, that this life's gone and lost its appeal i feel aimless in this space without gravity and the silence is deafening

about

All songs written, performed, arranged, and produced by Jesse Harding.
Electric Guitar & Bass performed by Josh White on "As I Dreamt", "Dog" and "Storybook Ending".
Synthesizer performed by Patrick Bonne on "As I Dreamt" and "Dog".
Strings performed by Mika Posen.

Recorded, Mixed, and Mastered by Jesse Harding @ Port William Sound in Mountain Grove, Ontario, Canada.

Artwork by Jesse Harding/DALL·E.

This project was made possible in part by Ontario Arts Council.

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released December 9, 2022

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